The Book He Left Behind
by SophiaOfSlytherin
Summary: Sirius may have been irresponsable, but he wasn't stupid. He knew he wasn't coming back that day, and he'd known for a while. But Remus had a problem. See how he assists, even after his death, by leaving Remus a book with a strange dedication. No slash!
1. Prologue

"Do you love him?"

The question seemed so simple. A yes or no answer. But questions can be deceiving, depending on who is asking. In this case, the question was hidden among other things in a conversation between family. The one asking was a man with untrimmed black hair slipping out of his hood. He was asking the daughter of his cousin. She was young, little more than a decade younger than he, and her hair was light brown. This, however, was not her usual color. It was late, around 2:00 A.M., and the two were sitting, hidden in the shadows that swept over his boyhood home at night.

"Well? Do you?" he asked again after a long silence. Her dark eyes flickered from him to the entrance and back again, cautiously scanning for somehow who could overhear and make a mess of things.

"Yes," she said finally. The emotion that filled her eyes and spilled over was enough to make many weak in the knees. He was taken by surprise just a bit, having not been expecting such a stalwart response.

"How much?" Another simple question; just the magnification of her affection towards a particular person. She disliked answering such awkward questions, but she mentally shook herself, reminding herself that she had asked for the conversation. After all, she had needed someone to talk to who knew the man for whom she felt so strongly.

After a moment of thought, she whispered, "With all of my heart." Tears threatened to fill her eyes, but she would not let that happen. She was too tough, too hardened by misfortune, fear, and rough times, to let that happen.

"Leave it to me." He rose from his seat, stood over her for a moment, and then went to his bedchamber. That was it. No further words were spoken. She almost feared what he was plotting; his plans were not exactly "harmless," as he claimed. However, deep down somewhere in the pit of her existence, she knew whatever he was thinking would work out. It would be dreadfully awkward, she felt, if he walked up to the man she loved, a man that was his best friend since childhood, confessed her affection, and demand he return it. She hoped he was careful how he executed whatever plan he was forming.

And she did, indeed, love the man of whom they had been speaking. His mystical eyes, disarming smile, and contradicting scars set her heart beating as fast as a hummingbird's. She loved everything about him from his plain brown shoes to the hair on his head, which was a sandy brown with just enough gray to give it character. All she could do was think about him. It was involuntary, but pleasing. It comforted her to think, or at least pretend, that these feelings were mutual. She knew it wasn't true, that she was lying to herself, but it helped her get through the day. Love is tricky that way.

**A/N: Ok so this came out of NO WHERE it just suddenly popped into my mind. This is just the intro, the real story starts whenever I can come up with a good idea and post it!**

**By the way, see that green and white button below? Click it and type some pretty words ****J **


	2. Grief, cursed grief

Chaos was sure to ensue. Voldemort was back, and had been back for a year, and just now did the Minister believe it. Not only was he back, but his servants, Death Eaters, had re-formed, gathered, and pledged their allegiance once again to their master, the "Dark Lord". Worst of all, another man was dead. Last year, it had been Cedric Diggory. Now Sirius Black, best friend of Remus Lupin, was dead, as well, killed by his own flesh-and-blood cousin, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Distraught, Remus flung himself down in the chair that was Sirius's favorite when he was alive. He covered his face with his hands to muffle the sound of his sobs and to hide the sight of it. Once his tears stopped, he remembered something Sirius had told him just before they left.

"_Take this, Moony," said Sirius as he handed a piece of paper folded thrice over to his friend. "Don't open it until you come back, though, ok?" He winked once and brushed his shaggy hair away from his eyes. The smile he wore sang as loud as angels._

"_What for?" asked Remus, confused. It didn't seem like Sirius to keep secrets from him, but that was exactly what was going on. "What's in this little piece of paper? I don't follow."_

"_Just do it, mate!" Sirius chuckled happily, "You'll see why when you come back! Now, come on, Moony, we've got to get going! Harry needs us at the Ministry!" As Sirius ran off to fetch his wand, Remus watched a moment, pondering the contents of the paper his friend had handed him, fingering it inside his pocket. _

Though it had been mere hours ago the conversation occurred, Remus felt like it had been decades. It seemed his friend was long gone, and the cruel reality of his death struck Remus like a sack filled with bricks. He was alone now; James was long since dead, Sirius was dead, and Peter was a traitor who, Remus felt, might as well be dead, too.

He was, again, fingering the paper in his pocket. Curiosity was overwhelming him, and since Sirius said to open it when he returned, Remus thought it would be okay to read the note. After all, it could be important to the fight against Voldemort. Deftly but cautiously, he unfolded the paper.

The paper was a will. Remus shook his head with a light chuckle at his friend's amazing actions; Sirius only used his head when it was a matter of life or death, such as this was. Remus was quite proud of Sirius for the maturity of his final act. The will stated that practically everything that was Sirius's possession go to Harry. All of his possessions except one that was listed at the very bottom of the note.

_Remus-- I leave to you a book. You've always loved books, and I feel this last book will truly help you with your dilemma. And I know exactly what you're thinking. "What dilemma?" You probably don't even realize you _have _a dilemma yet, you poor soul. Just read the book eventually, all right? It's sitting on the edge of my bed. Go get it. Your best friend, Padfoot._

Though he wasn't exactly sure what to make of the note, Remus did as Sirius asked, considering it to be the last wish of a now-deceased man. He stood from the chair as the single last tear ran down his cheek and went up the stairs to what had been Sirius's bedchamber. Sure enough, a book with a pure white cover sat on the edge of the bed. Remus warily opened the book to find a page showing the title. Strangely, there was no title. However, he did find a rather intriguing dedication.

"_To R.J.L., my best friend and sometimes mum: it's your turn to be cared for and taught."_ read the dedication. Remus puzzled the line, scanning it over and over again for good measure, trying, but failing, to see the hidden meaning behind it, for there must be a reason Sirius would leave him such a book. Suddenly, his pondering was interrupted by the sound of bawling downstairs, and, in haste, he grabbed the book, stuffed it into his coat pocket, which had been specially made to fit books inside, and hurried down to see who was crying.

It was Tonks who was sobbing. And why shouldn't she cry? Her cousin had just been murdered by her own aunt. Poor Tonks had family on both sides of this ever-lasting war, and she felt as though her heart was being pulled apart. In her weakened state, she was latched on to Mrs. Weasley, crying senselessly, grieving for the cousin she had just met for the first time about a year earlier.

"Nymphadora-..?" Remus called carefully, trying to be sensitive of the pure grief she was feeling; grief that he, too, was feeling, and he had felt fourteen years ago when James and Lily died. In the instant he had spoken, Tonks had detached herself from Mrs. Weasley and somehow managed to wrap herself around Remus. Awkwardly, he patted her back slowly. "Please don't cry. You'll make me cry, too."

"H-he's gone, R-Remus!" Tonks breathed between sobs. "H-he'll never b-be back! He w-was my o-only chance!" She continued to speak, but the words were distorted by heavy weeping. Remus dared not ask only chance for what for fear it would make her even more upset. He only stood there, arms around her in the warm embrace she so craved, letting her borrow his sturdiness else she fall over. He thought, perhaps, if she fell over, she would never get herself back up. Grief, cursed grief, was the cause of all of these, and Bellatrix, cursed Bellatrix, was the cause of all of this grief.

**A/N: So it came out a lot shorter than I had planned, but, hey, it's Christmas Eve on which I'm writing, so I want to hang out with my family and don't have much time. Happy Holidays, everybody. All I want for Christmas are reviews!**


	3. How to Stop Lying to Yourself

Tonks had been a mess, but Remus didn't blame her. Her cousin - his best friend - was dead, after all. All Remus had to remember him by was a book with an odd dedication and apparently no author. It was night now, and Remus sat on the edge of his bed, holding the book curiously.

_What is this about?_ He wondered, _and why did Sirius leave it to me? Well, I suppose there's only one way to find out. _Careful not to rip any pages, Remus opened the book. However, as he turned the title page, he heard the sheering sound of the paper ripping. Remus cursed under his breath. He turned past the dedication page and found a page that looked like it had been ripped completely out.

_Where have you gone, missing page? _It was obvious it was the table of contents that had been ripped out, but for what purpose? He didn't know. As he turned the page one more time, he found a folded piece of paper inside of it. He unfolded it and scanned it with his eyes.

_To Remus:_

_I leave you this note as my last request, sort of. I demand that you read each and __**every **__page of this book, neglecting not a single word, sentence, paragraph, page, or chapter. Since it's my final request, you don't get a choice. Besides, you like reading!_

_Your mate, Sirius Black. :P_

Confused but knowing Sirius was right, Remus put the note on his nightstand and began to turn the page, the last one until the chapter's title page. It read, "How to Stop Lying to Yourself." Remus was even more confused than ever, but he trusted Sirius and turned the page.

_If you're reading this book, you need to stop lying to yourself. Admit it to yourself; you're in love. It's okay to say it out-loud. She's a beautiful, kind, generous, funny, smart girl, so why do you still deny it? Practice saying out-loud: "I'm in love with (insert her name)." _

Remus didn't have the faintest clue what sort of book this was or why Sirius had left it to him, but, since it was Sirius's last request, he felt he should do it. But whose name should he say? One solution, the only solution, instantly popped into his head. "I'm in love with Nymphadora Tonks." He continued reading after saying it twice.

_Good, you're learning, mate! So you love her. Are you done lying to yourself? If you can't honestly say yes, practice the activity over and over again. Be honest! You're probably reading in your pajamas or tidy-whities before hopping into bed for a night's sleep, so no one's going to hear you! _

_Once you're done admitting to yourself and you can say yes, put this book down; it's all you'll do for tonight. Read chapter two tomorrow night. For now, go to sleep. Sweet dreams! _

Remus said it a few more times; "I'm in love with Nymphadora Tonks. I'm in love with Nymphadora Tonks." It didn't feel like it was working. He stood up and, in his pajamas, walked to his mirror. Looking himself in the eye, he said it one final time. "I'm in love with Nymphadora Tonks." This time, he believed himself. But, of course, no one else had to know. Satisfied, he went back to his bed, slid under the covers, flicked off the light, and fell into a deep slumber, not waking until the morning.

**A/N: Short! But it's good, right? I think the chapters for this story may be short, but there will be a lot of them. **


	4. What to Buy and How to Ask Her

When Remus woke up, he felt like a different man. For one thing, that book last night had been surprisingly relevant to his own life. For another, he had stopped lying to himself, as the book instructed, and admitted to himself he was truly in love with the cousin of his best friend, the late Sirius Black. But today, he would not mourn. Today, he decided as he climbed out of bed and made his way to his kitchen for breakfast, he would be happy.

Still, that was easier said than done. After absent-mindedly fixing and eating a few pieces of toast, he went back upstairs to get dressed and brush his teeth. The clothes he put on were brown pants, a dark green button-up shirt, and a brown sweater. Then he went to his bathroom and brushed his teeth. Looking in the mirror, he discovered his hair to be a mess. Angrily he combed, but the stray strands would not be beaten down. With a frustrated sigh, he gave up, going back downstairs, putting on white socks and brown shoes, and leaving the house.

Though only eight o'clock in the morning, he ventured over to the Burrow to visit with Arthur. Ron greeted him at the door, still sullen over the recent death of Sirius. Remus found Arthur sitting on the couch with a muggle book called A Tale of Two Cities, a book Remus had read through at least twenty times. With a smile, Arthur lowered his book, and the two had a long, friendly chat.

Remus purposely neglected to tell him about the book that Sirius had left him. He also "forgot" that he had fallen in love. Instead, they talk about the common things like how bad the Chudly Cannons were playing this year, which tricks Fred and George played on Ron this week, and who Ginny was seeing _now_. After the conversation ran dry and there was nothing left for the two men to discuss, they bid each other farewell, and Remus headed home.

When he got home, he found that he had been at the Burrow longer than he thought. It was now half past one, and his stomach growled at him as he had missed lunch. Remus stepped into his kitchen and fixed himself a snack. He thought about going up, getting the book, and reading the next chapter now. After all, he had to read two chapters tonight, so why not get one out of the way? As he got up to do so, a knock at the door stopped him, and he went to answer it.

"Wotcher," said the bubble-gum haired woman on the other side of the door once it was opened. Remus smiled at Tonks, blushing inside that she of all people was here when he was about to read that particular book of all books. "Can I come in?"

"Of course, Nymphadora," Remus replied, happy to have her over. Living alone could be rather, well, lonesome, and Remus was glad to have any company at all. He led her inside to his living room and sat himself down in the big brown reading chair by the fireplace.

"Thank you, Remus," Tonks said cheerily before changing her tone to a more fierce one. "And don't call me Nymphadora!" -Again, the tone changed, this time going back to cheerful - "It's Tonks." She plopped herself down onto his couch and bent his ear for hours, until about five, at which time she looked at the clock.

"I'd better get going," she said hesitantly. Obviously, she didn't really want to leave, but after being there for almost three hours, it seemed the proper thing to do. Also, just from looking at him, she could tell Remus was getting hungry.

"Care to stay for dinner?" he offered, not yet ready for her presence to vanish from him. She smiled and nodded eagerly, and Remus went to the kitchen to prepare it. Tonks followed him in, insisting on helping but only really getting in the way in all possible methods. After an hour of nothing being accomplished, Remus politely asked her to go take a seat.

Thirty minutes after that, dinner was served. Remus and Tonks sat at the small, two-sitting dining room table. The second chair hadn't been sat in for the longest time, so Remus was thrilled to have company. They talked and laughed while they ate and even for over an hour afterwards. Eventually, however, the evening had to end, and Remus walked her to the door.

"Well, goodnight, Remus," Tonks smiled, her eyes focused completely on him. "Thanks for the dinner. It was amazing. You're a great cook. Did you know that?" A light-hearted laugh escaped her lips.

"You're welcome. I'm glad you enjoyed it," Remus replied. "Goodnight to you, too, Nymphadora." Instead of complaining, which she first opened her mouth to do, Tonks stepped closer to him and gave him a tight hug. At first reproachful, Remus delicately hugged her back. When both let go, Tonks was blushing, and they said one last goodbye before she left.

Now alone again, Remus went up to his room, got into his pajamas, the blue set this time, crawled into bed. He picked the book up off of his night stand and turned to chapter two, where he left it, and began to read where he left off.

_All right, it's the next night. Today, you probably did nothing of particular importance, but you saw her, didn't you? All the extra work, favor calling, and trust building will be worth it in time. In today's lesson, you will eventually learn what ladies like, but first, you have to learn that, and this is important; not all women are ladies._

_I bet you're asking yourself, "Well, what makes her a lady?" If she's unnecessarily rude, she is not a lady. If she's an ugly hag who basically wishes you were dead, she's no lady, mate. _

The book went on for two more pages saying similar expressions. After that, the book continued on with more words.

_Now that you know what a lady is, you can tell if you're in love with a lady. If you're in love with her, she is most likely a lady, but you'd be surprised what some men fall for. Now, if she's a lady, here's a helpful little list of things you should buy her and when._

_*__Flowers: Bring them on the first date._

_*__Chocolate: Bring them on the second date, or on Valentine's Day, coupled with flowers._

_*__Roses: Definitely higher up than regular flowers, they should be brought on the third date, I'd say. _

_*__A stuffed animal: Don't _buy_ one, take her on a date to a carnival or circus and _win_ her whichever one she wants. _

_*__A bracelet: Give it to her on your 2-month anniversary._

_*__A necklace: Give it to her on your 3-month anniversary._

_These kind of things should give you a basic path to follow to figure out what to buy a lady. Now, don't go to sleep yet; you have one more chapter to read! _

Remus, though tired, turned the page to get to chapter three. His mind was puzzled, screaming, _Why is this thing telling me what to buy? We're not even dating yet! _However, when his tired eyes came back into focus, he found that the next chapter held the answer.

_Now, I bet you're thinking, _why is this thing telling me what to buy? We're not even dating yet! _Well, mate, this chapter is going to explain how to ask her out. First, and this one is a killer, wait long enough for her to reveal her feelings for you. Odds are, it will happen, and it will happen soon. Don't do anything until you see her again and she says something. After that, wink at her, and say something like, "I always knew, baby," and sweep her off of her pretty little feet. _

The chapter continued for another three pages about how to act around her and how to give off the right body language and signs to invite her to get closer. Remus sighed and shut the book when he finished. He knew he could never follow all of these instructions. For one thing, he would never even remember all of them, and for another, he knew he was no good for Tonks, even if she wanted him. "It doesn't matter," he yawned as he stretched a final time, tucked himself under the blankets, and shut his eyes for the night.


End file.
